Three and a half months in quarantine

1/300th of my city is dead. my neighbors are dead. i will never forget the sirens. the constant sirens. neverending. death was around us. death is around us. death remains with us.

i am alive. my family is alive. i am lucky. others are not. they need me. i will be there for them. the sirens are gone. reggaeton is back. the city is back. the city lives. the city endures.

i live in a box. neighbors above, below, across, and adjacent. i go outside 1-2 times a week. weekends only. when it's nice. when it's not raining. or snowing. it snowed in may. i'm trapped.

being trapped is what saves lives. staying inside contains the pandemic. i have shelter in a harsh climate. i'm saving money on gas. i've reclaimed time from my commute. the gift of time is the best gift.

i share my workspace with a 6-year-old. no doors. no barriers. no focus. constantly on edge. i never know when he's going to be hungry, or bored, or need help with the ipad. every call with a live grenade.

i'm spending more time with my son than ever before. he's my favorite person in the universe. i cherish this. i will always remember this. i will make it count. i want him to always remember this, too.

i see an unjust system that disproportionately punishes people with dark skin and without money. i see injustice in the streets and on television every day.

we can fight back against it. we can change the narrative. find the places to make an impact and seize them. my neighborhood shoots off fireworks every night in protest. we don't let the worst define us.

we face an uncertain future. my company is splitting. this is an election year. the pandemic is surfacing in new areas. we push for normalcy. we will never know normal again.

nothing was ever certain or normal. 1/3 of all children in the world live in poverty. my problems are not unique. my problems are not severe. my comfort belied the discomfort of others. let's fix it.

i cope with challenges in unproductive ways. i drink my wine. maybe too much. i like my wine. probably too much. i need my wine. definitely too much.

i'm not okay. it's okay. it's okay to not be okay. my liver will recover. i will work through my anxiety. these are difficult times. find a way through. be there for others. be there for myself.