Can't sleep

Can’t sleep.

Brain won’t stop engaging.

Engaging with never-ending anxiety.

Anxiety about the despot who won’t leave office.

Anxiety about the cynical destruction of truth and facts in our society.

Anxiety about the pandemic.

Anxiety about the well-being of my family who I haven’t seen for a year.

Anxiety about the family of a friend and colleague who suddenly and shockingly passed away in November.

Anxiety about my physical health. If it can happen to him, it will happen more easily to me. He was in shape. I’m not.

Anxiety about my mental health. Am I already gone? Are these normal thoughts? Is this life from now on? Every night?

Morning fast approaches.

Tears start flowing. Water pours out of my eyes, then out of my mouth. All the liquid in my body flows out. I feel my brain shrivel. I hear a “pop”. Then darkness.

That was sleep.

I’m exhausted. I need sleep. My body demands sleep. My mind demands a rest.

But I fear the dreams. I fear not waking up. Sleep is not a break. Sleep makes it worse.

Can’t sleep.

Maybe tonight is the night.