FAKE RONJAN!!Showdown: LeBron and Durant fantasy draft
So ... the NFL's Pro Bowl recently switched up its format, moving away from the classic AFC vs. NFC setup to a fantasy draft setup where two captains choose their squad like a schoolyard contest. This mirrored the NHL's own switch to that format for the 2012 NHL All Star Game.
ESPN's Bill Simmons brought this up several years ago, noting that it'd be perfect for the NBA:
New Rule: Playground rules for the NBA All-Star Game. Ever since the idea of having captains pick sides started to circulate, in February, I haven't been able to stop thinking about it. Let's say Stern names Kobe and LeBron as captains. Right before the game we have a coin flip, and the winner gets first pick. The All-Stars line up, and Kobe and LeBron pick their teams playground-style. Imagine the drama. Who'd get picked first? Would a snubbed player end up wreaking havoc in the game? Would bad blood carry over to the rest of the season? God forbid something fun happened on All-Star Weekend.
Now that other leagues, including the "big kahuna" NFL, have actually done this, it seems like it's just a matter of time before it happens in the NBA. So as a thought experiment, we decided to try this! (We also needed to get ahead of the story before better, more famous writers try it!)
The premise
LeBron James and Kevin Durant are asked to pick squads, playground style, to compete in a 7-game-series against each other (all games taking place at a neutral site). The winning team wins a $10 million prize, bragging rights, and additional, potentially illicit rewards if needed (drugs, hookers, etc.). This format ensures that both teams are properly motivated and the winner isn't a fluke.
The cast
Playing the role of Kevin Durant will be John, a self-loathing Jets / Mets / Nets fan (they do exist!). And playing the role of LeBron James will be Adrian, a confident (not cocky) Lakers / Yankees / Vikings / flavor-of-the-month fan. Both guest writers are huge basketball fans with a real interest in and passion for the NBA. RJ, this site's founder, will judge and choose a winner. And he won't pick a tie or choose "all of us" as winners, because that would be stupid.
The rules
Kevin Durant gets the first pick in the draft by virtue of being the two-time MVP runner-up. Both players will draft to form 12-man squads. Players who are currently injured in real life will be assumed to be healthy, but it isn't guaranteed that they are back to their pre-injury form. And finally, team chemistry matters.
Today, we'll go through the draft, pick by pick. In a follow-up post, the two teams will lay out their game plans and we'll determine who wins.
Everybody got that? Good. Let's get started!
The Draft
Pick #1: Durant (John)
In today’s league, you've gotta build around your point guard. And I’ll take the best at his position, today, just hitting his prime – Chris Paul. He's a great defender and a good enough shooter from the outside, and he can both find me open on the perimeter and straight handle the ball.
Pick #2: LeBron (Adrian)
Point guards are key. It’s a good thing I am one.
The 2nd pick was a tough call for me, what with the choice coming down to my main squeeze in D-Wade and the only person who deserved the MVP more than me these past few years (obviously Kobe). </sarcasm>
But then I figured that I’d want to see what it’s like to play with a real big man for once so I’ll go with Dwight Howard at #2 (bonus fact: he told me he was faking his injuries in LA because Kobe’s a dick).
Pick #3: Durant
While you might have the most athletic big in the league, I’ll take the best big player – who happens to be the reigning Defensive Player of the Year. Marc Gasol – come on down!
Pick #4: LeBron
Best big player? Pshh. Best beard, maybe. Oh wait, no, that award belongs to my next pick – Dr. James Harden. Like a D-Wade that can actually shoot, he’ll space the floor for me and Dwight. And when I want to relax on offense, pairing the league’s best pick and roll guard with the league’s best pick and roll man? No-brainer.
*cough* #lebrontohouston2014
Pick #5: Durant
Love that pick, but I love who I’m taking more. Give me Kevin Love and his sharp-shooting / 14 rebounds per game. Between Marc and Love, Howard’s crying his way off of Team LeBron just like he cried his way out of LA.
Pick #6: LeBron
It’s a shame my team won’t be leaving you any rebounds to grab, especially since I’m going with the human heat check, Stephen Curry, as my next pick. Have fun doubling me with the best shooter in NBA history ripping nets.
Pick #7: Durant
That one hurts – I definitely wanted the 3 point machine. Nevertheless, I’ll take my chances with a backcourt featuring CP3 and Kyrie Irving. Lock it up.
Pick #8: LeBron
That’s actually perfect – when Steph and Kyrie inevitably limp off the court with some injury, we can just play 4-on-4 until the next whistle. Bosh just texted me saying that he’d “eat my family” if I didn't pick him, but I’m going small – everyone’s seen what I can do when I play PF. Paul George, you’re my next pick – enjoy covering Durant with all of your 6’10" bad self.
Pick #9: Durant
Speaking of defense, give me Andre Iguodala. Great defender, good enough offensively to complement the rest of our squad (in other words, he knows his role and will defer to me on offense!).
Pick #10: LeBron
Finally, someone that has a chance of slowing me down (did you see K-Love’s face when he realized he’d be the one trying to defend me?). Time to get started on that second unit. Carmelo Anthony, stop moping – you’re my next pick – go win a sixth-man award.
Pick #11: Durant
Kobe Bryant
Pick #12: LeBron
Let’s get some positional flexibility with a guy that can play center in a pinch but is the perfect PF. Al Horford.
Pick #13: Durant
We need some leadership and this guy proved he has plenty left in the tank last year. If we’re talking about a 7-game series, I absolutely want to go to war with Tim Duncan on my squad.
Pick #14: LeBron
Russell said he hates you. Russell Westbrook.
Pick #15: Durant
Russell has never been much of a team player anyway, and I don’t trust his knees. I’d rather get a stopper anyway, someone to slow down some of these guards. Who better than Tony Allen?
Pick #16: LeBron
Grit Grind worked well for Tony until he faced the elite teams. Then he rode the bench.
Blake’s been over by the other hoop trying to show off with dunks. Lob City Redux. Blake Griffin.
Pick #17: Durant
Your boy can’t believe he still hasn't been scooped up, so I’m going to take care of that right now. Knowing his competitiveness, he’s going to make you pay for passing on him so many times. Dwyane Wade is on Team Durant.
Pick #18: LeBron
And you were scared about Russell’s knees? Talk about two dudes that’ll be out for blood.
Let’s get some bench shooting specialists. Rocket Launcher Ryan Anderson.
Pick #19: Durant
I still don’t think I have enough intimidation on my team, so I’ll take the NBA player you’re least likely to want to meet in an alley (shout-out to Anthony Mason, the G.O.A.T. in this respect). Zach Randolph, come on down!
Pick #20: LeBron
You just went full Grizz. Never go full Grizz. I see your Z-Bo, and raise you Z-Bo Jr.: DeMarcus Cousins.
Pick #21: Durant
I’m taking a Jr. on my team, too – Paul George Jr., a.k.a. Kawhi Leonard. Love his makeup, love his explosiveness, and love his role on our team. He’ll give us a few minute spark off the bench each game.
Lock it up, title town USA.
Pick #22: LeBron
Paul Pierce, Mr. Irrelevant.
~~~
Team Durant (in order of selection)
Kevin Durant, Chris Paul, Marc Gasol, Kevin Love, Kyrie Irving, Andre Iguodala, Kobe Bryant, Tim Duncan, Tony Allen, Dwyane Wade, Zach Randolph, Kawhi Leonard
Team LeBron (in order of selection)
LeBron James, Dwight Howard, James Harden, Stephen Curry, Paul George, Carmelo Anthony, Al Horford, Russell Westbrook, Blake Griffin, Ryan Anderson, DeMarcus Cousins, Paul Pierce
We hope you enjoyed this. Stay tuned to Useless Sports Analysis for the thrilling conclusion, when the teams will reveal their game plans and we find out who wins!
-rj