FAKE RONJAN!!Countdown: The Simpsons and Sports!
Is there anything more American than sports and The Simpsons? No – damn hell ass no! (A gentleman’s point to anyone who got that reference!) So to celebrate Independence Day, I’m going to count down my favorite 20 sports references in The Simpsons.
A quick shout out to my friends Bill and Connor, who haven’t seen my final list but helped me make it. All quotes were pulled from snpp.com, in my mind the best Simpsons reference there is. Youtube clips worked as of the date of posting.
And with that, let’s get started!
20. Steve Sax gets arrested by Springfield police
Episode: Homer at the Bat (not the last time this episode will make the list)
This is less about sports and more about the hysterical ineptness of the Springfield police force. I love how Sax is arrested in the first place because he dares to mention that there are several unsolved crimes in New York City. He ends up being charged with every unsolved crime in Springfield, and when he asks to call his lawyer, they tell him, “you watch too many movies, Sax!” Poor guy.
19. Lee Carvallo’s Putting Challenge
Episode: Marge Be Not Proud
Lee Carvallo first appears to urge Bart not to steal the Mortal Kombat knockoff “Bonestorm” (as he’s being egged on by visions of Mario, Luigi, Donkey Kong, and Sonic), asking him “how’s that game going to help your putting?” Then, at the end of the episode, Marge buys Bart the game “every boy wants,” but she mistakenly buys him Lee Carvallo’s Putting Challenge. We then see a clip of the game playing over the end credits. It’s bad. Really bad.
18. Drederick Tatum’s press conference
Episode: The Homer They Fall
The Mike Tyson-inspired Drederick Tatum has had several appearances on the show, and Homer’s heavyweight title fight against him is certainly his most memorable. His parole hearing turns into a press conference for his upcoming title fight, and the entire clip is fantastic:
Man #1: Champ, do you feel remorse for your crime?
Tatum: Oh, yes. Believe me, my god, if I could turn back the clock on my mother's stair-pushing, I would certainly... reconsider it.
Man #2: Drederick, ah, what do you think of Homer Simpson?
Tatum: I think he's a good man. I like him. I got nothing against him, but I'm definitely gonna make orphans of his children.
Man #3: Uh, you know, they do have a mother, Champ.
Tatum: Yes, but I would imagine that she would die of grief.
17. Moe gambles on Bart and Lisa’s hockey game
Episode: Lisa on Ice
This episode saw Lisa find her inner athlete, as she became a star hockey goalie. Early in the episode, Milhouse loses his teeth, and he interrupts the Simpsons’ dinner to ask if they have them. (Marge does, but denies she does so she can keep them.) Later on, it’s Moe who interrupts the Simpsons at dinner, which leads to the following exchange:
Marge: You caught me at a real bad time, Moe. I hope you understand I'm too tense to pretend I like you.
Moe: Uh, and how are the little kids doing? I mean, really, how are they doing? Any disabling injuries, something, say, that the gambling community might not yet know about? [grabs Bart's leg] Come here, let me see those knees.
Marge: [stands up] Moe, I think you should leave. [forces him out]
Moe: But Blanche, you gotta help me out here, please! I'm 64 grand in the hole! They're going to take my thumbs!
Gambling doesn’t pay, kids!
16. Moe’s boxing career
Episode: The Homer They Fall (again)
Moe recalls when he was a boxer. “They called me Kid Gorgeous. Later on, it was Kid Presentable. Then Kid Gruesome. And finally, Kid Moe.” When asked why he never made it to the big time, he explains that “I got knocked out forty times in a row. That, plus politics. You know, it's all politics.”
15. Mr. Burns’s ringers
Episode: Homer at the Bat (second appearance)
When Mr. Burns makes a million dollar softball bet with the head of the Shelbyville power plant, he hires ringers to ensure that his team wins. While he ended up with a fairly solid team, his first choices included legendary Hall-of-Famers like Cap Anson, Mordecai Brown, and Honus Wagner. Once informed that his entire dream team was dead, he asked Smithers to find him good, living players by scouring the “American League, the National League, [and] the Negro Leagues”. Yikes.
14. Roger Clemens confuses Homer for Ken Griffey, Jr.
Episode: Homer at the Bat (third appearance)
This is a stupid joke, but it gets me every time.
13. Homer cheats at golf
Episode: Scenes from the Class Struggle in Springfield
Another stupid one. When Marge is trying to impress her way into the Springfield country club, Homer steals Tom Kite’s equipment to play some golf. His first stroke has him missing the ball and hitting his own leg – and Homer decides to “cheat” by counting that as a stroke! For some reason the look on his face gets me every time – just how crafty he thinks he’s being. Homer does eventually learn the rules of golf, and he ultimately exposes Mr. Burns as a real cheater.
12. Corny voiceovers for the Super Bowl
Episode: Sunday, Cruddy Sunday
We’re on a run of stupid! But I enjoyed this tongue-in-cheek joke about how the Simpsons Super Bowl episodes have to be created well before they know who’s in the big game.
11. Homer realizes how boring baseball is without beer
Episode: Duffless
I personally think that baseball is boring even with beer, but I enjoyed Homer’s epiphany about how boring baseball is without it.
10. Whitey Ford knocked out by a barrage of pretzels
Episode: The Twisted World of Marge Simpson
Marge starts up a Pretzel Wagon franchise and decides to have a gameday giveaway to get the word out. But just as the crowd is about to bite into their pretzels, Mr. Burns wins the drawing for a Pontiac Astro Wagon, “and here come the pretzels”. What happens next is truly amazing.
9. Korean gymnast’s heroic dismount
Episode: Lisa’s First Word
Incredible.
8. Joe Frazier defines “excellence”
Episode: Brother, Can You Spare Two Dimes?
When Homer wins The First Annual Montgomery Burns Award for Outstanding Achievement in the Field of Excellence, they obviously needed a big-time celebrity to present it to him. “Webster’s dictionary defines ‘excellence’ as the state or condition of being excellent.” Thanks, Joe!
7. Krusty bets against the Harlem Globetrotters
Episode: Homer the Clown
I quite enjoy that the Generals are so bad that they’re defending the wrong basket.
6. Man Getting Hit by Football
Episode: A Star Is Burns
I think Moleman’s version should have won the film festival over Barney's "Pukahontas". George C. Scott’s version managed to improve on the original.
5. Don Mattingly kicked off the softball team
Episode: Homer at the Bat (fourth appearance)
I don’t know what Mr. Burns has against sideburns – or what he thinks they are! My favorite part is the audible gasp from Burns in the final scene when he realizes that Mattingly still has “sideburns”.
4. Barney knocks out Wade Boggs
Episode: Homer at the Bat (fifth and final appearance)
A debate on English history goes awry, and Wade Boggs bears the brunt of Barney’s fury. Interestingly, just a few episodes later in season 3, Barney gets knocked out by Joe Frazier, pulling his record for the season to 1-1.
3. Hank Scorpio gives Homer the Denver Broncos
Episode: You Only Move Twice
I’m a former die-hard Broncos fan who lived in Colorado during the 1980s, so I’ve always loved this clip. Homer spends the entire season hoping he can live out his lifelong dream of owning the Dallas Cowboys, only to end up with the Denver Broncos. The disappointment made sense at the time, as the Cowboys had won 3 of the previous 4 Super Bowls and Denver had an 0-4 record in the big game.
2. Homer wants to be John Elway
Episode: Cape Feare
Simpsons humor at its best, as Homer chooses his new identity in the witness protection program. (Apologies for the Spanish clip -- I couldn't find an English one!) I love Homer’s uniform, his dance, and the amazing commentary as Homer Elway dives in for a last second touchdown: "thanks to Elway's patented last second magic, the final score of Super Bowl XXX ... Denver 7, San Francisco 56!" In John Elway’s defense, his worst loss in the Super Bowl was only 55-10, not 56-7!
1. Open wide for some soccer!
Episode: The Cartridge Family
Who wouldn’t want to go to a soccer game after this amazing commercial? The clip of the game itself is also phenomenal, particularly the comparison between Kent Brockman's call of the game and the Mexican announcer ("center holds it .. holds it ... HOLDS IT!!!!!"). Too bad the ensuing riot forced the town into marshal law.
So, what’d I miss? What’d I screw up?
-rj